The Fear of Two

I had this feeling today. It was this same feeling I had about Jade turning two. For some reason, that became the magical age in my head when I had to have everything in my life resolved. I thought that by the time Jade could talk and assert some autonomy, I had to transform into this perfect mom-superwoman that I had in my head. That imaginary deadline loomed over me and caused me unnecessary anxiety. Two came and went faster than I could have ever imagined, and now it seems like a lifetime ago.

Now Jade is about to start middle school. The fear of two quickly turned into a fear of thirteen, the beginning of the dreaded teenage years, which is, incidentally, two years away. The anxiety, the fear, looms again. After she was gone for five weeks on an epic R.V. adventure with Grandma and Grandpa, she came back looking so much older, so much more mature. Now I feel like I want to stop time again, and capture everything. And I want to be wiser and stronger and smarter for her.

The words from tonight's sermon resonate: "O you of little faith. Why did you doubt?" (Matthew 14:31) When we call upon the Lord's name, we are immediately saved from our fears. I have not achieved supermom status; I stumble and screw up every day. But I have been saved from my fears, over and over again. Even with such little faith. Even with so much doubt. He reached out his hand, brought me to safety, and filled me with grace every time I called for Him.