Imagine

I am afraid for the loss of imagination. I was a very imaginative kid, and I think Jade is pretty imaginative too. But in general, life seems so much busier now. I spent hours of my youth devising stories and acting them out. Where are the free hours for kids to do that now? Maybe things always seem better from your own generation.

The first day Jade was back from her big trip and we met up with her at the R.V. park in Austin, I dangled my feet in the water while Jade swam and talked to me. I will always relish that moment. She started naming off dozens of visions she saw in the clouds, and I strained to make them out. In that moment, I was so thankful that she had wandered around the nation's west with my parents for five weeks. I was a little jealous too. It's time to reclaim our imaginations. They make life so much more vivid, and I believe they draw us closer to the most imaginative One of all.

The Fear of Two

I had this feeling today. It was this same feeling I had about Jade turning two. For some reason, that became the magical age in my head when I had to have everything in my life resolved. I thought that by the time Jade could talk and assert some autonomy, I had to transform into this perfect mom-superwoman that I had in my head. That imaginary deadline loomed over me and caused me unnecessary anxiety. Two came and went faster than I could have ever imagined, and now it seems like a lifetime ago.

Now Jade is about to start middle school. The fear of two quickly turned into a fear of thirteen, the beginning of the dreaded teenage years, which is, incidentally, two years away. The anxiety, the fear, looms again. After she was gone for five weeks on an epic R.V. adventure with Grandma and Grandpa, she came back looking so much older, so much more mature. Now I feel like I want to stop time again, and capture everything. And I want to be wiser and stronger and smarter for her.

The words from tonight's sermon resonate: "O you of little faith. Why did you doubt?" (Matthew 14:31) When we call upon the Lord's name, we are immediately saved from our fears. I have not achieved supermom status; I stumble and screw up every day. But I have been saved from my fears, over and over again. Even with such little faith. Even with so much doubt. He reached out his hand, brought me to safety, and filled me with grace every time I called for Him.

Today

Today I will not stress. I will not look at myself and say I am too fat or look for the next thing that would make my life better. I will not look upon my past with shame or regret the decisions I have made. I will stop trying to be perfect or dwelling on what I don’t have. I will not close myself off because I lack knowledge, courage, or trust. I will not worry about what I am going to eat, or what I am going to wear, or what others are going to think. Today depression will not win; I will not wallow in my sin.

Today I will thank God for every single blessing in my life. I will close the magazine, turn off the TV, shut down the computer, and look to Him to make me better. According to their standards, I will never be enough. According to His, I already am. I will sit down with Him, and I will remember. As I reflect on where I have been, I will allow His Grace to wash over me. He will clean my heart, and it will embrace all that is love. I will not fear because He will guard my heart. Before I eat, I will consume His Words. When I thirst, I will “drink deeply” of His Love. Like a warrior, I will take up a battle cry against my greatest enemies – my own self-deprecating thoughts. I will grow in confidence through His Truth that He speaks to me. I will listen, and I will humbly fall at his knees with a heart full of contrition. Today my Lord, my God, will make me happy and whole, and I will bless His Holy Name.

Heaven and Hell Will Have to Wait, I'm Playing Futbol

I have, in the past, poured my soul into my writing. Until February, for the past eight years I have been pouring my soul (to borrow Howard Schultz's terminology) into coffee. For the past couple months, particularly this week, I have been pouring my soul into soccer. Here is what I have been up to tonight, in preparation for our end of the year celebration party tomorrow night:

1. "Fancy Footwork" Award: I love to watch you dribble the ball and play 1 v. 1. You've got some talent and plenty of years to perfect your "fancy footwork." You have been an asset to our defense and showed promise as a midfielder. Keep at it!

2. Good Sportsmanship Award: Being a good sport is about always giving it everything you've got, having a winning attitude, overcoming challenges, respecting your coaches, teammates, and referees, and being a team player. You do all these and more consistently. You can always sharpen your skills by practice, but this inspiring attitude you have comes naturally and is more valuable than gold. In whatever you do, I believe you will inspire others, as you have inspired me this season. Keep kickin'!

3. "110%" Award: When it comes to game time, I know I can rely on you to always give 110%! When I see you returning to the sidelines drenched in sweat, I know you have put everything you've got out there on the field. It was a joy to have you on our team. You are very talented and have a great attitude. Keep it up!

4. Best Passing Award: You have a big heart, and you put your whole heart into this team. Your heart is a selfless heart; in other words, you play your heart out for your team. You always have your eyes on your teammates too. You are either looking to who you can pass to or communicating to the teammate that has the ball. And I love your eagerness. Remember that enthusiasm in everything you do and you will go far. Let's Go Big Blue!

5. Leadership Award: I will always remember how you broke the ice during our first practice. It went something like this: "Hey guys. What's up? Y'all are so quiet." And then you continued to break the ice in every practice in some way, whether it be suggesting a new play, breaking the tension, or volunteering to do something no one else wanted to do. You have leadership in your bones, young man, and that is quite a blessing! Thank you for stepping up, and remember, "Some things have to be believed before they can be seen." I believe in you. I believe in the team we have all become.

6. Most Improved Award: I will never forget that practice when you seemed to turn into a tiger overnight! And then you brought that same fierceness into the next game. You are strong, and you can do anything you put your mind to. Keep fighting. Stay strong. Believe me, it's worth it.

7. "Coach" Award: Anytime you go beyond what is asked or what is required, you will knock people's socks off. You knocked my socks off the week you wrote out the notes about the other teams and suggested formations for our team. Then you continued to knock my socks off by your courageous leadership. You communicated well, always had a great attitude, and led by example. You also encouraged and cheered for your team while on the sidelines. You go above and beyond - that it your greatest gift. Believe in yourself. Believe in the good possibilities in life. Keep at it and you will go far.

8. Motivator Award: Our "little man" of many talents! I appreciate your efforts every week to rush over to our practice right after your gymnastics practice. We become a better team because of you. You lighten the mood and inspire us to be better - a deadly combination. Your intensity and love of the game is contagious. Thank you for your positive attitude - for making all of us smile and for making our opposition groan. You are a talented young man with a beautiful heart - again, a deadly combination. Keep Kickin'!

9. Most Dependable Award: I think you maybe missed one practice. Maybe. You were always there. You always gave 110%. You always followed direction. You were always positive. That's 99% of what every employer looks for; therefore, you can be anything you want to be. You've got the heart for it, and in the end, that's all that really matters. Some people may say it is easy to be positive when you are quiet, but let me tell you - your calm is your strength. When it is storming around you, you stay strong, and that is something that no one can take from you. I hope you had fun this season because you were awesome. Keep up the good work in all you do!

10. "Hot Feet" Award: Watching you complete a drill perfectly, or make a great pass, or dribble through the opposition, is inspiring. You've got the skill, the competitive drive, and the determination. Use these wisely and good things will come. You have taught me more than you will ever know. You have a good heart, and I can see it - the heart of a lion. You are strong. You desire good. Follow your heart - it will never lead you astray. Keep Kickin'!

11. "I've Got Your Back" Award: Out on the field I hear you encouraging your teammates. On a team everyone has a part to play and every part is important. You've always got your teammate's back, and they can feel that when you are cheering for them. That makes all the difference! You follow it up in your actions, too, which is important. You have grown in your courage over the season and have made some crucial kicks. You are stronger than you think you are. You may think you are only a piece of the pie, but without you it is a lousy tasting pie. Everything you need is within you. Go get 'em!

12. Team Player Award: Every time you set foot on the field, I could see, I could feel, that you gave it your all. You were a great asset to our defense because you made some great passes and blocks. And you took things to heart. Remember when we could hear from the sidelines all the horrible things the other team was saying? I asked you to get angry and take it out on the field, and you did. You showed great fierceness out there, and you always showed great determination. You look out for others; you had some great passes out there. That kind of determination and thoughtfulness will take you anywhere you want to go. Keep it up!

13. "Striker" Award: You are one of the oldest on our team, so I put a lot of responsibility on your shoulders. You handled it well. You have many gifts - you can run fast, you can dribble past your opponents, you can kick hard. A "striker" delivers a blow, and you deliver a blow every time you step onto the field. I hope you are having as much fun as it seems you are. Keep at it, and you will go far - in whatever you do. Others look up to you, so take that to heart. Believe in yourself and believe in good, and others will follow. Keep Kickin'!

14. "Pigpen" Award: This award is dear to my heart because I received the "Pigpen" Award in softball for diving after so many balls. I know you can relate. I have a lot of respect for you. It was almost by accident that you ended up as our goalie, but you stepped into the role with strength, grace, and certainty. Because of this, I know you can do anything you set your mind to, and I know people will believe in you. Because I believe in you. Being goalie is the hardest job and sometimes the most thankless. The fact that you took this job upon yourself and handled it so well says a lot about your character. Keep Kickin'!

15. Most Tenacious Award: To be tenacious is to never give up. And no one could say that you've ever given up. To be tenacious is to be relentless - to show no mercy to your opponent. Well, I've heard many stories about what the opposing teams' parents' say about you! You are tenacious, persistent, unstoppable! And to think . . . this is just soccer! Well, I am impressed with your spirit, your drive, your positive attitude. Your opponents fear you; your teammate revere you. That is a good place to be. Don't ever stop being you! Keep Kickin'!

16. Hustle Award: Sometimes my eyes just can't keep up with you! I like to play you in just about every position because in every position you hustle! Keep that up because it makes people take notice. I won the Hustle Award in basketball when I was not much older than you, and I will never forget it. I hope you never forget it too because it speaks so much to your spirit and character. If you give everything you have, it will come back to you, and if it is not yet, it will be returning to you soon because you give everything you have all the time with a smile and kind words! Keep Hustling!

Love, Lynn

What the Hell?

Photographed by Longoria Photography

There are some things that I will never understand. Here are a few:

fighting between religions (or sects of the same religion)
One of our church leaders sent us this article about Jos, Nigeria and the violence occurring there between Christians and Muslims. This line struck me the most: “On my last visit, I also met students and staff at Al-Bayan Islamic secondary school. They were clearing up after a mob of Christans had burnt most of the buildings and brutally murdered five of the students, along with another child who was on the campus at the time.” Forms of sectarianism are everywhere, and I just don’t get it. It makes me extremely sad.
school violence/bullying/suicide
Today is the twelfth anniversary of the Columbine tragedy. I have no words, only a burning pain in my heart. We must not be afraid to talk to our teens about tough issues. Many teens in high school feel like they are in hell. We need to shed light on these dark areas. Fostering safe discussions and truly listening can change a student’s life. Parental involvement has the most impact, but as educators or coworkers or church members or family members or friends, we can still plant seeds of love. To Write Love On Her Arms is an organization that speaks well on these issues.
the crucifixion of Jesus Christ
I think that no matter how my faith evolves, I will always question, “Why did He have to die?” Or more specifically, “Why did He have to die like that?” Or, “Why did we kill Him?”

Lord, there is so much that we do not understand, so we give it back to you. Forgive our inequities, and send out Your Spirit to renew the face of the earth. Amen.

Love, Lynn

Smart as Hell

This is why I love Rob Bell:

Yes, we get what we want.

God is that loving.

If we want isolation, despair, and the right to be our own god, God graciously grants us that option if we insist on using our God-given power and strength to make the world in our own image, God allows us that freedom; we have the kind of license to that. If we want nothing to do with light, hope, love, grace, and peace, God respects that desire on our part, and we are given a life free from any of those realities. The more we want nothing to do with all God is, the more distance and space are created. If we want nothing to do with love, we are given a reality free from love.

If, however, we crave light,

we’re drawn to truth,

we’re desperate for grace,

we’ve come to the end of our plots and schemes

and we want someone else’s path,

God gives us what we want.

If we have this sense

that we’ve wandered far from home,

and we want to return,

God is there,

standing in the driveway,

arms open,

ready to invite us in.

If we thirst for shalom,

and we long for the peace that

transcends all understanding,

God doesn’t just give,

they’re poured out on us,

lavished,

heaped,

until we’re overwhelmed.

It’s like a feast where the food and wine do not run out.

These desires can start with the planting of an infinitesimally small seed deep in our heart, or a yearning for life to be better, or a gnawing sense that we’re missing out, or an awareness that beyond the routine and grind of life there’s something more, or the quiet hunch that this isn’t all there is. It often has its birth in the most unexpected ways, arising out of our need for something we do not know we do not have, for someone we know we are not.

And to that,

that impulse, craving, yearning,

longing, desire –

God says yes.

Yes, there is water for that thirst,

food for that hunger,

light for that darkness,

relief for that burden.

If we want hell,

if we want heaven,

they are ours.

That’s how love works. It can’t be forced, manipulated, or coerced.

It always leaves room for the other to decide.

God says yes,

we can have what we want,

because love wins.

-- Rob Bell, Love Wins (116-119)

I sobbed through the end of Toy Story 3 today. I’ve enjoyed watching those movies repeatedly because there is always another detail to pick up on, and they are such beautiful pictures of love, friendship, justice, and redemption. Particularly poignant to me today was the scene in the incinerator. Just as the unlikely team of friends join hands and stoically resign to their fate, here come those weird little alien dudes with “the claw!” OooooOooooh, the claw. The claw was awe-inspiring to these little guys because it seemingly chose them one by one from their imprisonment for a new life. In this scene they utilize the big claw to save their friends from perishing in the fires of Gehenna, “the town garbage pile” (Bell, 69).

More questions: Does God choose us or do we choose Him? What if no one saves us from our garbage?

And now something funny I heard a student tell another student today: “I’m smart as hell but lazy as f---.”

May peace invade your heart this holy week, and may love open the eyes of your heart.

Love, Lynn