Soccer Hell

Maybe it was that only half of our team showed up. Maybe it was that I was late after I had so vehemently urged everyone to be on time (which meant early because “if you’re early you’re on time, if you’re on time you’re late.”) Maybe it was that I had not stopped for even a minute since 6:30 this morning. Or maybe it was the screaming outbursts by one of our players. Maybe I’m trying too desperately to make our team into something it’s not. It is a recreational soccer team, after all, and before this season we were all complete strangers. Whatever it was or whatever it is, I lost it. Which in Lynn terms isn’t too bad. It takes a lot to get me riled up. But I did toss the ball into the middle of the field, declared practice over thirty minutes early, and took a seat on the sidelines.

I wasn’t proud of how I reacted; I apologized to the team. Or at least the half of them that were there. It’s hard to coach co-ed middle schoolers who range between 10 and 13 years of age. Maybe that’s why no one else volunteered. How do I always seem to choose the challenges that no one else wants?

Being a bad role model to children: my soccer hell. After moments like that, I pray to God that no one identifies me as a Christian. In the first chapter of Love Wins Bell writes “If it got bad enough, you might even have people rejecting Jesus because of how his followers lived” (Bell, 7). I never wanted someone to reject Jesus because of how they saw me live or because of something I said or did. On the other hand, as Bell poses, “Is someone else’s eternity resting in your hands?” (Bell, 9). Hell no.

Well, then where’s the balance? How do we share our stories? Do we evangelize? Is a “personal relationship” with our Lord and savior a prerequisite to salvation? Are we responsible for the salvation of others, and if so, to what degree? How far should we go to love our enemies? Can people who are not Christians still be Christian? Is it important whether we are Christian or not? If I say I am Catholic, do you assume I’m not Christian? Do you think I’m going to hell?

For me, today it was soccer hell. Tomorrow I may experience a glimpse of school hell. Moments when I forget to let love win. Little hells on earth. Sometimes it’s just something I’m letting get in Love’s way: stress, frustration, covetousness, jealousy, perfectionism, laziness, pride. Small reversals can flip little hells on earth into little heavens on earth. I did feel better after apologizing to my team tonight. But you can bet they will be doing more laps on Wednesday. “That which does not kill us only makes us stronger!”

What’s getting in your way?

How can you let Love win in your life?

Love, Lynn